Why Do I Feel Anxious When I Have Nothing to Be Anxious About?
Life is okay.
Your family is okay. Work might be going well. There isn't a major crisis happening and, from the outside, there may be very little to worry about.
But you still feel anxious.
Perhaps you wake with a feeling of dread that you can't explain. You find it difficult to relax, your mind is constantly thinking ahead, or there's a vague sense that something isn't quite right.
Then another thought appears:
"What have I actually got to be anxious about?"
When there isn't an obvious reason for anxiety, it can be particularly confusing. You might even feel guilty for feeling the way you do.
But anxiety doesn't always arrive because something is currently wrong.
Sometimes our minds and bodies can become accustomed to being on alert, even when life around us is relatively calm.
Anxiety doesn't always need an obvious reason
We often expect emotions to have a clear explanation.
If you're anxious before an important meeting, that makes sense.
If you're worried while waiting for medical results, you understand why.
But anxiety can also feel much less specific.
You may experience:
a constant sense of unease
racing or repetitive thoughts
difficulty switching off
feeling restless or on edge
tension in your body
a racing heart or butterflies
trouble sleeping
constantly thinking about what needs doing
imagining things that could go wrong
needing reassurance that everything is okay
Sometimes you aren't even worrying about one particular thing.
Your mind simply seems to be looking for something to worry about.
Why does my mind keep looking for problems?
Anxiety is closely connected with our natural threat system.
Our brains are designed to notice possible danger and prepare us to respond.
The difficulty is that our threat system doesn't only react to things happening right now.
It can react to things that might happen.
What if something happens to the children?
What if I make a mistake?
What if that person is upset with me?
What if this good period doesn't last?
Your mind may believe that thinking through every possibility will help you feel prepared.
But rather than creating certainty, it can leave you trapped in an endless cycle of "what if?"
When calm feels unfamiliar
Some people notice that they actually feel more anxious when life becomes quieter.
You finally have nothing urgent to deal with — and instead of relaxing, you feel restless.
You might start checking your phone, finding jobs to do or thinking about something that happened three weeks ago.
It can feel as though your brain doesn't quite trust calm.
If you've spent a long time being busy, responsible or dealing with stress, slowing down can sometimes feel surprisingly uncomfortable.
You may have become so used to anticipating what needs to happen next that being still feels unfamiliar.
Your mind responds by searching:
"What am I forgetting?"
"What needs doing?"
"What could go wrong?"
Could my past be influencing how I feel now?
Sometimes our current anxiety makes more sense when we consider what our minds have learned from earlier experiences. Perhaps you grew up around unpredictability, criticism or conflict.
Maybe you became good at noticing other people's moods.
You might have learned to avoid upsetting people, to anticipate problems or to be the responsible one.
Not everyone who experiences anxiety has had a difficult childhood, and there are many different factors that can contribute to feeling anxious.
But for some people, being alert once served a purpose.
The circumstances may have changed, but the habit of scanning for problems can remain.
You may find yourself monitoring your partner's mood, worrying about whether people are happy with you or imagining problems before they happen.
What looks like "overthinking" may sometimes be your mind trying very hard to keep you safe.
"If I think about it enough, I'll be prepared"
One of the frustrating things about anxiety is that worrying can feel productive.
If you think through every possible outcome, perhaps you can prevent something bad from happening.
So you plan.
Check.
Rehearse conversations.
Google things.
Ask other people what they think.
Run through scenarios in your head.
You may feel reassured for a little while.
Then another doubt appears.
This can teach your mind that the way to deal with uncertainty is to think more.
Unfortunately, life contains uncertainty. No amount of thinking can remove all of it.
Part of managing anxiety can therefore involve learning that you don't have to solve every possible future problem before it happens.
Why can't I just enjoy my life?
This can be one of the most painful parts of anxiety when life is otherwise going well.
Perhaps you've worked hard to create the life you have.
You think:
"I should be enjoying this."
Then you become frustrated with yourself for worrying.
But criticising yourself for feeling anxious usually adds another layer of distress.
You can be grateful for your life and still experience anxiety.
You can have financial security and still worry.
You can have a loving family and still feel on edge.
You can know logically that you're safe while another part of you doesn't quite feel it.
These things aren't contradictions.
What can help?
Rather than immediately trying to get rid of anxiety, it can be useful to start noticing it.
Ask yourself:
What was happening just before I became anxious?
What am I predicting might happen?
What do I usually do to make myself feel safer?
Perhaps you seek reassurance, overprepare, avoid something, keep busy or repeatedly check.
You can also begin noticing the difference between a problem happening now and a problem your mind is imagining might happen later.
If there is a current problem, you may be able to take action.
If it's a future possibility, the challenge may be learning to tolerate not knowing.
How can therapy help with anxiety?
Therapy can provide a space to understand your anxiety rather than simply trying to suppress it.
As an integrative therapist, I draw on Person-Centred Therapy, Attachment Theory and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).
We might explore the thoughts and behaviours that are keeping anxiety going, such as overthinking, reassurance-seeking or avoidance.
We can also become curious about where some of your patterns may have developed and why uncertainty, conflict, mistakes or other people's reactions can feel particularly difficult.
The aim isn't to make sure you never feel anxious.
Anxiety is part of being human.
Instead, therapy can help you recognise when anxiety is taking over and develop a different relationship with the thoughts and feelings it creates.
Nothing has to be "wrong" for you to ask for help
You don't need a crisis to justify coming to therapy.
And you don't need to be able to explain exactly why you feel the way you do.
Sometimes:
"My life is fine, but I don't feel fine"
is enough of a place to begin.
I offer counselling and therapy in Sheffield and online, working with adults experiencing anxiety, overthinking, low self-esteem, relationship difficulties and the impact of difficult or traumatic experiences.
If anxiety is making it difficult to relax or enjoy a life that otherwise feels okay, you're welcome to get in touch to arrange an initial conversation.
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